There's a new kind of snowflake in town: the 'Broflake'
Of all the moronic alt-right internet slang, of which there are truly endless examples, the word "snowflake" should be at the top of everyone's list.
If you've been fortunate enough not to hear this word before, let me ruin it for you: snowflake is a derogatory term used against progressives deemed to be too soft on issues of national importance, including immigration and all female Wonder Woman screenings. Following Trump's election, the word spiked in popularity, so some liberals have started to fight back the best way they knew how: by popularizing the term "broflake" instead.
In American political internet discourse, you're either a snowflake or a broflake. Or you're a smart person who's deleted their Twitter account.
Broflakes share a little bit in common with their despised cousin, snowflake. Like snowflakes, broflakes are especially sensitive to issues of race, class and gender. They are, however, the inverse of the snowflake community demographically and are disproportionately likely to be white, male, and making prank videos on YouTube.
Instead of challenging traditional power hierarchies, they defend them. For all the oppressed straight white male egg avatars in the world, they want you to know — they're here for you.
Broflakes belong to a very dangerous subset of bro: more narcissistic than the typical bro and more sensitive to slights, but only in an ego-centric President Trump kind of way. They may even be smarter than the average bro and they don't mind letting everyone know it, by tweeting approximately 12 times a minute on Twitter.
There's no easy way to spot a broflake or separate it from a traditional bro, but broflakes do have several common identifying characteristics I would nonetheless like to group into an actual taxonomic subset, thanks.
1. They're soldiers in the war — civil rights leaders, really — against feminazi Ghostbusters and misandrist Wonder Women screenings.
2. Broflakes hate Colin Kaepernick. The player's bended knee is very clearly a threat to national security/Western Civilization/their Sunday afternoon sports schedule.
Also, they're better at football than him.
3. They're defends of the voiceless, including Ann Coulter, Sean Hannity, and this really brave YouTube artist they know who made a groundbreaking Loretta Lynch mashup.
4. They, too, are panicked about the slow erosion of democracy — at the Wesleyan College campus newspaper.
Ideological diversity is facing a #genocide.. Can democracy survive 17-year-old drama majors from Westchester?
5. Broflakes consider safe spaces absurd and fascistic.
That being said, they do support Trump's effort to jail meanie journalists from The Washington Post who pubbed "fake news" about the president's bathrobe.
6. Half of their tweets start with the question, "Can you believe if the same thing was said about [men/white people/straight people]?"
7. They're leaders in the fight to keep Tim Allen on ABC.
8. They're not racists they're "race realists" committed to the truth.
9. They often appear in the form of the "devil's advocate."
10. Though they live on the alt right, some do take up residence on the left. They are terrified of Congresswoman Maxine Waters and the potential boo-boos she can inflict.
9. To locate a broflake, you need to look no further than the wannabe screenplay writer industry. It's their spiritual home.
To be fair, the term broflake is an invention of the internet and is therefore, by its very etymology, annoying. The speed at which its travelled in no way matches the evolution of its far dumber relative, the :snowflake."
Perhaps progressives have been more resistant to using the term because they have a much more eclectic and accurate vocabulary to choose from: including Nazis, fascists, MRAs and white nationalists. Why call someone a broflake when you can legitimately draw a connection between them and actual Nazis?
More than anything, the left may may not be using "broflake" as much the right uses "snowflake" because frankly, they DGAF. Even though battles between Trump and Clinton supporters dominated the internet in the weeks following the election, liberals and the left have largely refocused their attention elsewhere in recent months.
Progressives are far more concerned about whether they'll have healthcare in the morning or a planet in the afternoon than whether that egg avatar who told them they're an MS-13 defender on Twitter is scientifically a broflake or not.
Even with all this, let's hope #broflake doesn't go any more viral than it already has. If there's one thing progressives don't have space for anymore it's battling unemployed ding dongs on the internet who will never, ever vote for their candidate. Anyone who's called Milo Yiannopoulos a "victim of political correctness" isn't about to knock on doors for Elizabeth Warren in 2020. There's no point in engaging — and, as I've recently learned, so much joy in dropping out.
Calling trolls "broflakes" isn't any more effective than labelling folks "snowflakes" although I do believe, in my heart of hearts, that it's one million percent funnier.
So let's give it a rest, block the broflakes as soon as we see them and use real adjectives to describe the horrible people in our lives. Perhaps one day we'll mature into an era where no one is snowflakes or broflakes or even hashtags, they're all just regular annoying people, shouting about nothing on the internet.
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August 6, 2017 at 10:25AM